Keep it up, gentlemen!

ID-100230944I dropped by a local coffee shop today to grab my americano on my way to watch a friend’s son for a couple hours. As I approached the door, a man was exiting and he looked directly at me and moved to the side to hold the door open for me to enter. At the same moment that I was approaching the door, two men were walking towards the door but entering on the left hand side as I was entering from the right. They stepped in front of me and got in line at the coffee shop (also in front of me), meanwhile the kind man was still holding the door open for me, and he gave me that look, like, geez, really? I was kind of a little bit annoyed. Actually to be honest, I was quite annoyed. I married a Texan. They open doors for anyone and everyone. Period.

I wasn’t necessarily annoyed because it was happening to me, I was just annoyed because I think it happens far too much this day in age.

Come to find out, the men are single as was made clear through conversations they were having in the coffee shop and probably in their 30’s. I thought about nicely stopping them and mentioning that women really appreciate when men hold doors open for them, especially single, available women, but then I thought better of that.

Now, this isn’t a post to bash men for not opening doors. It just really struck me. It struck me that I think kindness and gentlemanly behavior is far too underrated this day in age and not applauded enough. I thought about the many men on this website who are gentlemen that still open doors for ladies, pay for the first dates, compliment the women they’re dating and respect them enough to honor their purity.

I wanted to encourage each of you men to keep it up, you’re doing something that is very important and needed in this generation. You’re cultivating a culture of honor. You’re doing something that will attract your future wife because she’ll notice those things on the first encounter that you ever have. You’re doing something that will be passed along to your children, which is a culture of honoring women. Not because they’re weaker, but because they’re God’s beautiful creation. Honor breeds honor, and I can guarantee you that a woman that values herself will appreciate these acts of kindness and reciprocate the honor.

I had an experience about a week ago that I remembered today after this happened. A young man about the age of 12 was exiting the same coffee shop with his family in front of him, and he opened the door and let me walk through before him on the way out. Honestly, I was kind of shocked because normally at that age they’re thinking about other things and not necessarily even aware of anything remotely connected to opening a door for a woman. I knew that was a special kid, that someone had taught him to honor in that way. It stuck with me.

I just want to again say, keep it up, men. Honor with confidence and strength. Believe me, you’ll stick out in the crowd of men. The younger men (and hopefully older men too) will watch you and learn. It’ll pay off, women love gentlemen. Don’t you agree, ladies?

Wendee Mannon, CEO–OnDaySix.com

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Flow of Romantic Relationship: Crushing, Questioning, Committing, Trusting and Engagement

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Flow of Romantic Relationship: Crushing, Questioning, Committing, Trusting and Engagement

Below is an excerpt from Wendee Mannon’s (CEO of OnDaySix.com) upcoming book for single, Christian women desiring marriage, Love Unstuck; Be the Leading Lady. This excerpt discusses the flow of a romantic relationship, specifically the second phase, the questioning stage.

Relationships flow naturally. Most romantic relationships go through somewhat similar stages that allow good foundations to be built; Crushing, Questioning, Committing, Trusting and Engagement. I used to want to skip through the first stages of a relationship straight to the commitment piece because I had fear connected to the initial stages.

I would meet a guy. I would be friends with a guy. I would start to like a guy. I would want the guy to come right away and talk to me about knowing that we should be together. I would want each party to ‘just know’ and take any of the choice or uncertainty out of the process. Not a good plan…….

2) Questioning: Make a good choice in the midst of options

As the relationship moves forward, that crush leads to a time of questioning. As women, when this time of uncertainty and questioning comes, we tend to want a commitment from a man. This isn’t realistic though. This period of time in a relationship usually has sporadic times of meeting up or occasional dates. From initial attraction to the questioning stage, authentic invitation is of utmost importance. The man is questioning the relationship as well. He has levels of uncertainty combined with his own personal core value system and way of making decisions.

This time period of questioning can be very short if you have a man and woman who actually know what they want in a future mate. Where it gets confusing and drawn out is when one or both parties have no idea in the world what they’re looking for. They may think that they do, but when asked the question point blank, a blank expression appears on their face.

Most men trust their gut feeling when thinking about pursuing a woman. They won’t pursue a woman unless they feel good when around that woman. They won’t pursue a woman that hasn’t invited them to. That means that the authentic invitation is given often and with no expectation from the woman if there’s interest at this point in time. Relationship is a choice. Both parties have the same ability to choose the other person and this makes commitment a precious and valuable commodity.

This stage of questioning cannot be rushed. Many want to sit down and define a relationship before a good decision for commitment can be made. As women, we need to understand this period of time and actually enjoy it. We must see the value in the question and trust that God’s leading us to the right answer.

If a man tries to have a defining the relationship talk too soon, please be confident enough to let him know that you like him and want to know where this leads but aren’t ready to make a formal commitment. Christian men feel a lot of pressure to make their intentions known too soon, which, in turn leads to big messes later when the woman finds them backing out of the relationship quickly because they weren’t ready to make that type of commitment.

This second stage tends to be the most difficult for women to navigate. Women want to be assured that a man is interested and committed to them from almost the moment they meet. This is not how we as humans are built. We’re built to make choices and decisions in process based on what we desire and taking into account lots of different aspects in a relationship before making a commitment. This is a good thing. A good choice is made in the midst of options. This sounds scary to some, but we need to be able to navigate this as we journey through dating and into a committed relationship. Women who feel valuable are able to navigate this stage with grace and openness. If there is lack of value, usually we’ll run away from the relationship because it feels too scary to navigate.

Keeping your options open at this point to other men of interest is important because it helps take the pressure off of the man of interest and allows your mind and heart to know that you’ll be ok if this does not lead to a commitment. This is a fine line that requires maturity and counsel to walk out well. Make sure you have both as you embark into this stage.

This is the stage where you’re both getting to know each other from surface level to going deeper into core values for life. This should happen over a period of time and a few dates. Go with your feeling. If you like what you’re discovering about each other, continue on. Make sure the dates are both fun and leave room for conversation. Let the man pay on dates and initiate, and be very open and inviting if the interest is growing. Authentic invitation is so imperative in this stage if your interest continues to grow; help build the man’s confidence to take the relationship to the next level of committing.

Excerpt from Love Unstuck; Be the Leading Lady by Wendee Mannon

To find out more or get a copy of Love Unstuck; Be the Leading Lady, Go HERE!

Photo courtesy of Freedigitalimages.net “Business Young Woman Trying to Make a Decision Between Yes or No.” By David Castillo Dominici

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Don’t Lose Heart.

ID-100324388I was reminded this week that we can’t give up or lose heart. I was reminded of this because there’s a certain area right now that I’m trusting God with and experiencing deep disappointment because the outcome has not been as I have wanted or expected…yet. I’ve been fighting discouragement and hopelessness in this area.

The Lord gently reminded me that I walked through this before I was married in that deep area of desire that I had to be married. I remember disappointment coming from either a bad date, no date, a break-up or just plain hopelessness in the time of waiting.

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not grow weary.” Galatians 6:9

So, if you’re reading this you’ve been taking steps and moving forward by just simply putting yourself out there in the online dating world at OnDaySix. God can’t steer a parked car, so you’re one step closer because you’re actually moving forward.  And if in that, you haven’t seen your awaited desire of a spouse from the Lord yet, don’t lose heart. He is a good Father and wants to see our desires fulfilled. This is the time to take every thought captive into obedience. I know it’s not easy, but it is vital and as much a part of spiritual warfare right now as your times of prayer.

God sees your pain and your tears. He sees your desire and gave you that desire. I believe with all my heart that if you have a desire, God wants to fulfill that desire. I’m believing for that too now, but I know from experience that God is faithful and I can look back on His goodness in the area of my marriage for this new area that I’m awaiting the outcome of the victory that is already there in Him.  Be encouraged and don’t give up. Take heart friends, the one who promised is faithful. He created marriage and family, so His desire is for you to walk into that and enjoy His creation.

Wendee Mannon, CEO-OnDaySix.com

Photo Courtesy of freedigitalimages.net/”heart shape” by usamedeniz

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The Story of Dallas and Christy & 3 Little Ladies

Here’s a very sweet video testimony of how Dallas and Christy met at OnDaySix; it includes how God used Dallas’s three little girls to bring confirmation to move forward into the relationship and ultimately into marriage. They are now happily married and living in the great state of Montana!

 

 

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Robyn & Emory Marriage Testimony

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Robyn and I (Emory) met on OndaySix.com in August 2013, engaged December 2013 and married June 2014. We are amazed how God brought us together when we were least expecting. Both of were at our point of surrender when we tried to delete our account, only to find sometime in July 2013 at that we were separately re-charged and were curious to go back on and check out profiles. I had edited my profile to scare away any passive men, with quite the bold statements of my faith, relationship with Jesus and ministry. Well apparently that’s all it took for Robyn to be interested before even looking at my pictures. He messaged me his number and we talked that same day, skyped the next day, met two weeks later and engaged 3 months later where I moved from Kansas City, MO to Connecticut to join him, with my parents blessing of course. We lived separate for 7 months while planning a wedding and we will have been married a year this coming June. I have found my best friend, my love and my partner in life and we are having a blast!

Thank you for a having a safe place for people to meet. Although risky, partnering with Holy Spirit and trusting with every move- my dreams came true. I know God would have aligned our paths at some point, but I honor you with being a catalyst for us meeting. Two are better than one, and as soon as that was to be fulfilled, it happened! Praise Jesus!

Sincerely and thank you!

–Emory

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David and Adrienne Sparling Testimony

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I met my wife Adrienne through OnDaySix.com. We started emailing through the site in October of 2013, and soon we were Facebooking, Skyping, and texting for hours each day. I lived in Canada, and she was in southern California, so meeting early in our relationship was not an option.

We tried our best to develop our relationship at a friend level until meeting in person, but it wasn’t always easy to do since we seemed to have so much chemistry. But we finally met in person in December of 2013. I drove 2000 miles through snowstorms in a 1983 Toyota Corolla just to see if we were going to take the next step. And we did! During my first visit, after an exhilarating day at Disneyland, I asked her to be my girlfriend. It was a joy for each of us to realize that the other was even more amazing in person than over Skype and FaceTime.

We have heard it many times from friends and family around us as we walked our relationship out as connected with community as possible, “When you know, you know.” And we both knew immediately after that first visit that we would marry and spend the rest of our lives together. After another trip for me to California, and a trip for Adrienne to Canada, we were engaged! I actually proposed on Valentines day 2014 while she was visiting me in Canada.

Planning an international wedding in less than 4 months while trying to move my life to California wasn’t exactly the easiest way to do it, but we genuinely felt the blessing of the Lord on our plans. We were also surrounded by a supportive and loving community of friends and family who championed us towards success.

We had an incredibly beautiful outdoor wedding on May 30, 2014, and we are forever grateful to OnDaySix.com for giving us the opportunity to find each other. Life since then has truly been always increasing in its sweetness and glory, and Papa God continues to express His delight over our relationship (He is, after all, a pretty big fan of marriage).

–David Sparling

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How Important Is Initial Attraction?

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How important is initial attraction?

‘Tis the season for the birthing of baby relationships for friends. There have been multiple new connections for many lately. In recent conversations, I’ve been excited to hear of some promising new seeds of potential lasting love sprouting up. It has me thinking a lot about initial and lasting attraction.

My husband and I met in person after emailing for a month (I was traipsing about Europe with a friend) and talking over the phone for a month. He lived in Maui, I lived in California. There was the exchange of pictures through social media, he asked to follow my photo blog while I was traveling and I stalked his facebook and google searched him, but nothing in person; not even skype or facetime. What I do know is that we had initial chemistry even through email and then on the phone. He bought a plane ticket to come meet me after one phone conversation. How is this possible?

Yes, the pictures definitely helped. But there’s lots of people out there that we would both find attractive. What was the difference? We met online and he hadn’t seen anyone else on the site that he was interested in pursuing other than me even though he saw plenty of cute girls. Why?

Divine guidance? I believe to some degree, yes. But there is more. I looked back on our initial email communication and my profile to see why it was different and what created initial chemistry and attraction.

Our first meeting in person did feel like the grand finale at the fireworks display on the 4th of July. It was instant and we have been together from that moment on. The longer I’m married, the more I realize that although initial attraction is important, attraction can be created and increased. Plus it just gets better because trust grows. It’s a truly beautiful thing.

I’ve compiled a list from scientific research, my own experience and the experience of those I know regarding initial attraction and chemistry that lasts. I believe that yes, initial attraction is important. But we meet people all the time who didn’t have that initial crazy firework explosion but end up happily married with plenty of sparks flying. How important is initial attraction? I believe it is important, but lasting attraction is much more important.

How can you be a person that sparks attraction and chemistry with a person of interest and then continues to allow it to grow? All of the list below apply to committed, marriage relationships as well, through all of time. These can be applied to official dates or run-ins with a person of interest. Who knows, you may have opportunities this week.

1. Take care of yourself.

Yes, coming dressed to impress for a first date is important. Putting your best foot forward shows that you value that person’s time and actually put some thought into being around them. Everyone is attracted to different traits physically, but I’ve met people lately who are connecting with chemistry to potentials that are not neccessarily their normal types physically. Plus I know A LOT of people that married someone that didn’t fit their list of physical traits but won their heart and still have it. Taking care of yourself is more than just appearance, though. It involves care of heart, mind, body and spirit. Make sure each of those areas are getting attention; that’ll be invaluable in a marriage relationship. Plus it’s pretty easy to tell if someone isn’t caring for an area in their life, it shows. You can only give out of what you have. Make sure your photos online show care in appearance and hygiene. It’s important.

2. Have and develop passions in life.

You can be introverted and extremely quiet and still be very attractive to the opposite sex. Develop passions and be able to communicate those to others. A first date that makes a heart connection through each person’s passions is fun and interesting. It allows conversation to flow because you’ve got a lot inside of you to release. Make sure to ask your date about their passions. The man should lead the conversation in questions whether it’s online or in person. There’s nothing worse than someone who talks the whole time and doesn’t want to know anything about the other. Unattractive and boring for one party. You have no idea how many times I’ve heard this complaint from women. Either he didn’t email any questions or he talked the whole date. This works the other way as well for the women, keep the conversation balanced and engaging. P.S. This will help develop friendship as well, not just romantic connection. For your online profile, make sure that you expand a little on what you’re passionate about. This will draw in good matches.

3. Ask questions that create connections in emotions.

This creates chemistry. Period. Talking about the weather and how busy each person is can be disengaging and stale. Ask questions about how a person feels. Yes, the first date will explore hobbies and surface questions. That’s a given. But, take a few moments to dig a little deeper. Ask them why they love snowboarding by asking how it makes them feel. I think you’ll be surprised by what this can create. Ask questions about how they feel about their relationship with God. My husband was the most excellent question asker during email and phone before we met; it was vital to keeping me engaged. I then, in turn, asked him questions. This too, does wonders in all relationships to build and grow them.

4. Keep it fun.

This is why bowling is the number 1 first date in America. It’s fun and takes the pressure off. Keep the fun alive in each date while connecting emotionally. Talk about creating chemistry! Incredibly important as a relationship develops over time are fun, laughter and yes, some very goofy behavior is imperative. If connecting online or long distance It’s ok and highly recommended to crack jokes through email, phone, text, etc; this creates chemistry over the airwaves.

5. Stay focused on your date.

The worst idea ever is to take your phone out during your date. What a turnoff. Unless it’s an emergency, the phone call or text can wait. My husband and I work hard at this as a married couple. It’s very important that date night and evenings at home are not consumed by others, our phones or our computers. Also, if there are other people that you know around during your date; keep your focus on your date. Nothing can be more discouraging or confusing if your date or you are focused more on others of the opposite gender or their friends. Keep online communication moving; whether its phone, text, email, skype, facetime and all the other wonderful uses of communication over technology.

6. Be open and inviting.

This creates attraction. Walls block others out. Obviously we guard our hearts to a degree based on the trust built, but in order for love to grow we must be vulnerable. As adults, the more in touch we are with how we feel, the better we can connect with others. Women are like flowers, opening up with time. Each healthy person should gage what they feel comfortable sharing before going into the date. Don’t wear everything on your sleeve, but allow the other person to get a look at your heart. Your heart is a beautiful thing and what allows us to love and feel.

There are more, but I’ll leave you with this list to ponder and practice on your next interactions with someone of the opposite gender. Ultimately, you’ll choose a partner based on so much more than chemistry alone, but I believe attraction is important and part of the journey.

You’re the leading lady or man in your love story partnered with a God who is backing your desire for marriage and working to connect you with an incredible spouse!

Wendee Mannon, OnDaySix-Staff Writer, Wendee’s Bio

Photo credit freedigitalphotos.net/happy woman with her boyfriend/photostock

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The Long Distance Relationship Benefits Package

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‘Are you seeing someone?’

‘How’s your love life going?’

These questions are asked on a regular basis for all those still navigating relationship leading to marriage. I like that description better than the word single. I was never a fan of anything that included the word singles (single’s ministry, single’s connect, single and looking). I don’t know why, I’ve just never been a fan. Maybe it’s just the stigma, so I’ve steered away. As a result, I like to describe it in other ways. But sometimes you just have to use that word.

Now, more often than not, the answer to the above questions is ‘I’m dating someone. They actually live in (insert other state, city, country or continent).’

With one in three relationships now beginning online, the ease of airport travel, and people connecting in every way imaginable these days; distance seems to have taken a back seat to love. Being geographically undesirable no longer really makes it to the top of the list of deal breakers. This is unless you have extenuating circumstances that would lead to the inability to travel. This can be a bit challenging if you’re a single parent or have an insanely demanding job. The sky really is the limit though now with connection across the globe.

I recently received a request from a male blog reader that I address navigating long distance relationships, and I was reminded that my now husband and I journeyed that road and made it through to the avenue of happily ever after. Although long distance may not be anyone’s first choice for a dating relationship, it can definitely lead to a happy life-long marriage connection.

The notion of long distance relationship sounds so romantic in songs like Vanessa Carlton’s “A Thousand Years”.

Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces pass
And I’m home bound

Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making a way
Through the crowd

And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder….

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
‘Cause you know I’d walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight

It’s always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me..

Amazing how music and great lyrics can make almost any activity or life situation seem exciting and mysterious. Songs can even make breaking up sound romantic and intriguing. Weird. It is SO not. Back to the subject of long distance, though.

Navigating long distance has a set of challenges, but it also contains some positives. Thankfulness brings increase, so here it goes.

The Long Distance Relationship Benefits Package

Benefit # 1: Deep, authentic communication

Day after day, night after night; email, text, phone call, facetime, skype, email, text, phone call, facetime, skype, REPEAT. What else can you do? You can’t go to the movies, go on regular dates, or attend church together.

You must communicate.

I’m almost convinced that if you’re bad at communication, it’s nearly impossible to have a successful long distance relationship. A great benefit to dating this way is that you’ll find out what both parties communication skills or lack thereof are quickly! Or you’ll learn to be an excellent communicator. I can’t remember in the 6 months that my husband and I dated long distance, a day that passed without us communicating. He is an excellent communicator, and I always knew where we were at in the relationship.

If communication isn’t a strength, focus on it. Grow in that area; learn from others that are good communicators and read books. Learn how to ask good questions. Talk to God more; ask Him questions. Let Him ask you questions and converse. Sit under people who communicate well in life and marriage. Learn how to communicate your needs and wants. I did all of these and more, and I’m so incredibly thankful now that I did. I wouldn’t say that I was a stellar communicator by any stretch of the imagination four years ago. I can now say that I think I’m a pretty good communicator. This didn’t just happen naturally; it happened with focus, learning and application. Studies show that poor communication skills and the inability to resolve conflict are the leading causes of divorce. Great communication usually leads to great relationships. It’s worth the investment of time, focus and implementation.

Benefit #2: Distraction free dating

Guess what? Being around a person that you’re extremely attracted to can cause some concrete distractions to getting to know who they really are.

Of course it’s possible to have a really healthy relationships with someone that lives next door to you, but this blog is about celebrating long distance relationships. Thus this benefit; the absence of physical distractions or temptations day in and out. Sometimes attraction can cause us to make some interesting and sometimes negative choices for our relationship at inappropriate times or prematurely before a committed marriage relationship. When you’re not sitting next to this person on the couch day after day, night after night, smelling their amazing perfume, seeing their gorgeous face…Well, you get the picture.

Enjoy the benefit of being able to get to know who someone really is–distraction free. Ask compelling questions about each other. Reach deeper. Ask emotionally inviting questions to really get to know someone. Use distraction free dating to your advantage. You could also rename it as part of your purity plan. Hey, we’re looking for positives here.

I actually really was thankful for this with my husband and I. It helped us develop an incredibly good foundation and our communication has always been strong. Go deeper at the right pace in the relationship to build a good foundation that can grow into intimacy if it’s meant to. While we were dating, my husband asked a lot of questions. It was helpful and engaging. I would respond and ask him as well. This keeps things interesting. I asked him why he did it later and he said, “I knew what I wanted and what I was looking for. I wasn’t going to waste any time.” Another reason why I just love him!

If you don’t know good questions to ask, google can help.

One of the reasons my dad blessed our quick union of marriage after 6 months of dating long distance and then a 3 month engagement where we lived around each other, was the depth of communication we had. He said he believed we had gotten to know each other more than most people who had been dating over a year because of the amount of communication. It was true.

Benefit #3: Fun and exciting trips to visit each other.

My husband lived in Maui and I lived in California before he moved to California and we got engaged and then married. It was tough to go spend 2 weeks visiting him in Hawaii while we were dating, but I somehow managed…

Getting to know his world and staying with some of the people at the church that knew him was a great experience. Going to his church, hanging with his friends, romantic dinner cruises, walks on the beach all helped us gain a greater idea of how each person would interact with us and others. Vary the interactions with people the person knows when you visit. This will give you a well rounded perspective. Ask good questions of the person’s friends. Normally, red flags will pop up during this process.

Benefit #4: Decision for sustainability of relationship is expedited.

The above benefit kind of sounds like a business transaction, but let’s face it, no one wants to spend a bunch of their valuable time on a relationship that isn’t going anywhere. The reality is that one of the members of the relationship will have to move to the others said location if things are really going to move forward. If things progress, this decision will need to be made. I say sooner than later. It causes questions to come up and decisions to be made.

My husband moved to live around me 6 months after we started dating. People that are marriage minded and ready for commitment won’t be too afraid to move forward in making a geographic move for a special someone. We were both open to the possibility, but we both felt God direct Shane to move to where I was. Every situation is different, but this is a benefit because it requires significant commitment and normally doesn’t allow for a relationship to be stagnant.

How do you keep long distance relationships moving forward and engaging for both parties?

#1–Keep communication rolling.

The man should be the driving force behind this. If either party just isn’t that into it, let the other party know. Don’t just stop communicating. Communicate why. That’s just common courtesy, even in the beginning stages. And yes, even in online dating.

The online dating world almost excuses people from kindness, manners and common courtesy in this area; I don’t believe that’s right. Simply state that you’re not interested in pursuing the relationship further due to distance or connection. That’s what adults do, they communicate how they feel honestly. The other party will appreciate it even if it stings a little at first.

If you’re into it, keep communication strong and frequent. Games are for children. There is no rule about time to respond. When my husband and I first started communicating, it was email only for a month because I was traveling through Europe and couldn’t talk on the phone. He emailed me like clockwork daily and I would respond back. It was fun. We scheduled our first phone chat for when I got back, and he bought his plane ticket to visit me the same night as that call. Keep the ball rolling if there’s interest. Did I mention that he knew what he wanted? Yep.

#2–Spice it up.

Talking on the phone, skype and text can get boring. Keep it interesting. Mix it up. Send gifts. Have trips scheduled in advance to visit each other and for something to look forward to in the relationship. Plan a date dinner over skype. While my husband was visiting me the first time, we got my plane ticket to visit him. It’s important to keep the ball rolling in long distance. Otherwise parties lose interest and disappear.

#3–Do your homework.

Don’t visit someone that you know little about or don’t have peace. Get to know them, check out their facebook, find out if you have any mutual friends. Yes, dig a little. Be smart about it. Ask your friends and mentors for wisdom and advice. OnDaySix has a great screening process to make sure that members are safe. That is helpful. Other sites may not have the same, so do your homework.

#4–Enjoy the stages of dating–attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, engagement then marriage.

Each stage holds its own set of joy and growth opportunities. Embrace the process of relationship. It’s much easier than fighting against it.

Cheers to long distance relationships leading to marriage. You’re the leading lady or man of your own love story partnered with a God who is backing you to move into a lasting marriage relationship—even if it does begin long distance.

Wendee Mannon, OnDaySix Staff Writer, Relationship Coach, Wendee’s Bio

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When You Choose Someone to Marry, Choose Someone Who….

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When you choose someone to marry, choose someone who believes in you.

If you read my post last week, you understand that I’ve had a certain challenge professionally during the past 6 months. It has been discouraging at times. One of my top strengths in my personality is focus. This can be good and very, very bad. Everything in my life has been incredible other than this one area, but it’s amazing how one area can leave you feeling anything but inspired. It’s all to bring me to the next level (I know!), but it feels like I’ve been being squeezed through the very, very tiny eye of a needle. Can anyone relate? The pains of transitioning from glory to glory not only include stretching but shrinking. The shrinking is so we let go of what’s not needed anymore to move forward. Those things may have been vital at one time, but we’re journeying forward and can’t take them with us to the new place.

During my professional challenges this year, my husband has been my biggest encourager. He has believed in me when I lost sight of what I carry and who I really am. He speaks the truth of who I am over me and helps me laugh at the lies I’ve created at times in my own head. When you choose someone to marry, choose someone who believes in you. It is truly priceless.

When you choose someone to marry, choose someone who knows how to speak life over life.

When life happens to you instead of you happening to life, and it challenges what you know to be true of the nature of God, that person can speak life over you and those situations. My husband reminds me of God’s faithfulness when I’m having doubts. He speaks life over us and our situation. He helps me remember that we have a really big all-powerful Father! When you choose someone to marry, choose someone who knows how to speak life over life. You won’t regret it.

When you choose someone to marry, choose someone who builds connection during trying times.

This week, all I needed was my husband’s encouragement and hugs. I would tell him, ‘I just need hugs’. He would then precede to hug me and hug me and hug me. This kind of connection is so important when we go through challenging times. It plays out differently depending on your love language and personality, but it is still very needed. Choose someone who builds connection when times try the soul. Disconnecting from relationship during tough times causes so much pain in relationship. When you choose someone to marry, choose someone who builds connection during trying times. You will be a happy couple.

Now, my struggle is trivial. A professional challenge for 6 months? Big deal. I know that there are so many other difficult things that people face, but it was still trying for me. It was pressing on my identity and belief in who I was, despite any type of performance. For someone with a personality like mine (high acheiver, likes to produce and create, driven), failure to produce creates a sort of identity crisis if you let it. God was taking me to a new level of trust, a place of letting go of performance to a greater degree. One thing that I know about God is that if it’s important to me, it’s important to Him.

Guess what? This week I gained my largest client to date! God is faithful, He is so committed to moving us from glory to glory! I know this breakthrough signifies much more than a large sale, it signifies a movement forward in God. He’s committed to us. He’s committed to our dreams. His love is moving us forward in life. No good father wants his children to be stagnant, he helps them take steps into their future dreams, including marriage.

A good question to ponder: If someone were to choose you to marry today, would you be the one who believes in them, knows how to speak life over life and builds connection with them when times try the soul? We attract who we are. Such an empowering place to live!

I heard a great question the other day, “Am I the person that the person I’m looking for is looking for?”…..

You are the leading lady or man of your own love story, partnered with a good and faithful God. He’s moving you from glory to glory in this great adventure of life!

Wendee Mannon, Relationship Coach, OnDaySix-Staff Writer, Wendee’s Bio

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The Dejection Antidote

Dance
I was faced this week with a choice regarding dejection and discouragement. I could either choose to partner with it, or I could choose to partner with heaven. I needed to choose to give myself the dejection antidote.

There’s a situation in my professional life that has been a bit of a downer and challenge on and off the past 6 months. I feel God challenging me and stretching me to go to the next level, but it’s been something that I’ve needed to make declarations about, practice thankfulness to Him for His faithfulness and dream bigger during. He’s wanting to take me from glory to glory, but my belief in myself and what He can do in and through me is needing to go to the next level to be able to carry this next realm of His glory.

This week I was feeling especially strange about this situation that I’m wanting to change and move forward from. You know, that feeling of pressure on you that you know isn’t supposed to be there; it feels both irritating and a bit heavy. One minute I felt sad then irritated the next. I feel I’ve done all that I can in the area, and now it’s up to God. My emotions have been on a serious roller coaster the first part of this week. Not the way I know that I’m supposed to be living life. In reality, the situation in my professional life is just wooing me to walk into a place of greater faith and trust. Why does it feel so hard sometimes when God’s always been so faithful in every area?

Can anyone relate?

I remember having the same feeling when I was single and had gone through a time where I was believing right, trusting God and taking actions to move forward but still not seeing the breakthrough into a marriage relationship that I desired and that I knew God desired for me.

I believe that these moments and times in our lives are crucial. They define what we really believe about God. They are inviting us into a deeper more vulnerable and intimate relationship with our loving Father. These are the moments or seasons that are literally inviting us to step out onto the water and walk with Jesus. As one of my favorite worship songs by Hillsong right now states, “You’ve called me out on the waters, the great unknown…and there I find you in the mystery, in oceans deep my faith will stand….Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me.”

So, there was only one good choice this week to turn this weird place of discouragement around; it needed to become a radical place of praise and thanksgiving. I call these places weird because they are outside of my actual nature in Christ.

I have a more reserved personality, but there are times when I get very excited and animated. My intimate times with God many times, though will include thankfulness and declarations in our special, intimate and mostly quiet way. I knew that I needed to take more intentional and passionate ground in my heart and mind this week because of the depth of this situation in my emotions. The level of this place of discouragement needed an equal level of praise and thanksgiving to overtake it.

So, I took action. I decided to give myself a big shot of the dejection antidote.

The shot always includes an intense praise and thanksgiving session in my living room with God (because it’s bigger than my bedroom) that includes unbridled dancing, Tigger jumping (thanks Steve Backlund!), intense laughter, some needed tears (my emotions sweating), and some loud shouting that could possibly scare the neighbors and my sweet little papipoo. This shot is sometimes needed to bring the reality of heaven crashing into the little world of discouragement that I have created in my mind. And that’s exactly what I did. And guess what? That feeling of dejection and discouragement lifted, and I could see through God’s eyes again into my situation.

God really is the great Physician in more than just physical healing; He’s the healer of dejection and discouragement. He is the dejection antidote.

He’s big enough. He’s strong enough. He’s loving enough. He’s faithful enough to turn any situation or bring a new open door that will blow our minds.

Is there an area in your life that you feel under? Maybe discouragement is clouding your vision regarding your career, family or the possibility of a marriage relationship.

There’s nothing like praise and thanksgiving to turn that place into a place of blessing. The Bible says that we are empowered to make those places of adversity and weeping ( meaning of the valley of Baca below) into a spring. A place of the flowing water of the Spirit. Then God brings His rain to cover it with blessings. Yes!

Psalms 84:6 “Passing through the valley of Baca they make it a spring; The early rain also covers it with blessings.”

Anyone else thankful that God has empowered us to live in a place of victory? You are the leading lady or man of your own life partnered with an all powerful God. We’re on a journey from glory to glory with Him, and we’re enjoying it from His place of victory.


Wendee Mannon, Relationship Coach, Staff Writer-OnDaySix, Wendee’s Bio


Photo courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net / “Young Women Jumping During Her Dance” by photostock

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