Committing: Defining the Relationship

Flow of Romantic Relationship: Stage 3

Committing: Defining the Relationship

The past few weeks in our blogs, we’ve walked through the first two stages that most romantic relationships naturally navigate through; Crushing & Questioning. Today we’re going to dive into the third stage which is Committing. This is a fun stage because it’s when the relationship goes into the next level of commitment. When enough questions have been answered that lead to a yes, a conversation should be present that secures a level of commitment. This allows trust to grow and for the woman to blossom into even deeper vulnerability along with the man.

When a lot of pressure is put onto a relationship before enough questions about future health or desire for the relationship is made, relationships can easily crumble. Either one or both parties lose interest. Many times it is the man that loses interest because he felt pressure to commit in a way that he didn’t have enough answers to do so for. Romantic relationships are built on trust. Trying to build on something other than this causes them to crumble, which is why the first two stages are so vital.

Pressure to know if something is going to work out right away causes many a relationship to fall apart. Take the pressure off and enjoy the process. The committing stage is where you are officially only dating each other.

The commitment stage is a fun adventure. It should be full of exciting dates, new experiences with your partner and time spent getting to know him or her to a greater degree.

This is when a conversation about moving into some kind of boyfriend/girlfriend or higher commitment would be a great step. I would suggest that this should come from the man, but in some cases, it would work for the woman to broach the subject. It should feel like it’s happening naturally without being forced. Trusting the Holy Spirit and your gut feeling are important at this stage. This isn’t the time to become weird and possessive, it’s the time to take the relationship into deeper levels of intimacy than it has been in and allow yourselves to walk into greater vulnerability. This is when physical boundaries may need to be established between you to maintain the purity standards and core values that are in both your hearts.

This stage is when many of the harder questions should be broached such as past relationships and past sexual history. This is when both parties should have their eyes wide open in the decision making process as well as allowing forgiveness, grace and transparency to grow. This will allow the relationship to transition into the next stage naturally, which is trusting.

At any point in time during any of these stages, our hands are open and allowing the relationship to continue or discontinue. This is a beautiful journey of choice. You want someone that chooses you continually; that grows in their affection for you, and is on a journey to discover all of you. If that’s not there, you don’t want it to move into marriage. Those ingredients are essential for a happy and healthy relationship that leads into a lifetime commitment. You should not have to convince a man or woman to stay with you or commit to you. They should be choosing that in and of themselves.

Excerpt is from the book, Love Unstuck by Wendee Mannon, CEO of OnDaySix

Image courtesy of njaj at

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  1. The Trusting Stage of Relationships
  2. Committing: Defining the Relationship
  3. Interview by Single Matters Magazine: Love Unstuck by Wendee Mannon